The Ramblings of 36 Year Old

In honor of my 36th year of life, I've decided to write a blog post. Because getting old can make you introspective.

I feel like the older I get the more comfortable I am in my own skin. All the time I used to spend when I was younger, looking at myself in the mirror and picking out what I thought were serious flaws, seem so silly now. I now spend my time gazing at my beautiful daughter and laughing with my humorous and creative sons to worry about trivial things like, "Is that a wrinkle on my forehead?!"

Don't get me wrong, getting older kinda sucks. My hair is going gray, which I'm pretty bummed about, but they make dye for that, right? My body now wants things like fiber. I now have to keep things like Pepto Bismol and Tums stocked in our medicine cabinet.

But I think the one thing that really makes me feel old is that our child bearing years are over. It was a choice we made together after realizing that: 1) Our family is complete,  2) My body might not be able to handle another pregnancy, considering the health problems I've had during past pregnancies and the fact that I am older. While it's been awesome not having to worry about an unplanned pregnancy anymore, it's also been sad to realize that the fruitful years of our mortal lives is over. The baby factory is closed.

I have no reason to be upset. Have I not birthed 4 amazing children? Sometimes I just watch them; while they are drawing or doing their homework or playing, while they interact with each other, while they sleep. And this wave of gratitude washes over me. These people who have their own personalities, desires, quirks and special talents are products of me and the man that I love. It's those moments when life seems to make the most sense to me. Everything falls into place; life, faith, hope, the future. This is what it's all about for me.

I guess maybe I'm just a simple person. I know that my husband thinks he doesn't give me enough. And he works so hard to give us more. But I don't think he really understand that I'm happy just to be on this journey with him. We've been super poor students, stressed out and tired parents of newborns, packing U-hauls to the next adventure, unsure of the future (still are!). While it hasn't been easy, I can't imagine having done it with anyone else. Alex has loved me and shown me me more affection than anyone in my life. He has also puts up with my aches and pains and crazy mood swings. I love him. And I know that he loves me. Who could ask for anything more?

So here I am, 36 years old. Where do the years go?! Seems like only yesterday I was still a teenager in art class sitting across from a younger version of Alex. Fast forward 18 years and we've been married for nearly 12 years, with four kids, two dogs, two cars, and a 4-bedroom house.

I love my life. It isn't perfect. I'm moody and inconsistent. But I'm surrounded by people I love and who love me. I have a comfortable life with modern conveniences and I've been blessed with material things that others people only wish for. My children are healthy and smart and good, and bring an immeasurable amount of joy to my life. My husband is hardworking and faithful and affectionate and I love that I get to wake up beside him every morning. I'm also grateful for family and friends who's continual support has gotten our family where we are today. And I am grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ and for the peace and direction it provides me. Because, really, I don't know what my life would be without it.

So here's to my 36th year. May you be kind and productive, sunny and healthy and full of wonderful memories.