Well, a new school year has begun and 3/4 of my children are once again back at it. Next week Alex starts teaching his college classes at two different campuses; one in Mountain House and the other in Stockton. He will also be teaching language classes on Wednesdays, and possibly on Mondays, in Santa Rosa. This schedule will wear him out immensely.

I was not looking forward to summer ending. I LOVE having my family home. I love that we get to sleep in, go out of town whenever we want to, waste the days watching movies, going to the library and baking sweets. I like having my kids close. Yes, they drive me crazy some days, but mostly when it comes to sticking to schedules and doing homework. This makes the school year really difficult sometimes.

The past three days I have taken naps and even finished a whole book. So I do appreciate the down time. I also appreciate the time I get to clear my head and think.

Alex and I have been looking at the cost of doing more upgrades to our house. There is A LOT that needs to be done. We've had people come out to measure and give us estimates on just about everything; new windows, exterior/interior painting, new interior/exterior doors, tiling in the bathroom, hard wood floors in the living room, carpet upstairs and refurbishing our kitchen cabinets. It all sounded so promising until the charges kept adding up...and adding up...and adding up. Now we're left to choose what we can afford and live with/without.

Now we feel completely overwhelmed by it all. I hate feeling overwhelmed. I get panic attacks and want to run away. (I don't deal well with stress. Apparently.)

When I feel this way I love to read the Scriptures. Even if I don't get an answer to my problems, I definitely get a feeling of peace and a true knowledge that I am not alone in my fears.

Tonight I am reminded to have an eternal perspective. What really matters in life right now? Is it my kitchen cabinets? Should I be stressing about this? Or is it more important to find peace and be there for my children?

In John 6:67, Jesus tells the people that he is the bread from heaven and that those that eat this bread will live forever. The people do not understand and ultimately leave. Jesus then turns to his disciples and asks, "Will ye also go away?" And this is what Peter replied:

"Lord, to whom shall we go? Thou has the words of eternal life. And we believe and are sure that thou art the Christ, the Son of the living God."

I LOVE Peter's response. It seems so simple. I do know that He is the Christ. And I do know He has the words of eternal life. Where else is there to go then? Where else can I find the peace and joy and guidance I so desperately need? In Christ alone.

I've been thinking about this verse a lot lately. It's really easy for me to freak out about stuff. I'm prone to depression and panic attacks. And as if that's not enough, I then go through cycles of guilt where I feel bad about putting my family through my depression and panic attacks.

When my dad recently decided to sell his house in Stockton and move back home to Santa Rosa, he gave me boxes of stuff he thought I could use. In one of those boxes was a binder with all of the poetry I had written when I was a teenager. We called it "Christian Poetry" because it was all of a spiritual nature. Reading those poems brought back a lot of memories; of being a teenagers, of struggling to be a good person and of all the time I spent reading the Scriptures and praying to know God better.

It was easier to believe back then, when life was simpler. There was more time to think about who I wanted to be and my mind wasn't so cluttered. I remembering just praying to be better. For a boyfriend. (!) For help with my homework. Life is bigger now, with more life changing decisions to make. Ones that will affect my whole family, not just me. And let's be honest, the years change you. I'm not the same person I was when I was 14.