Tired

I'm tired. And it shows. The other day I was looking in the mirror and wondered why I still had mascara under my eyes after I had just washed my face. Well, it didn't come off...because it's part of my face!

Lately I've been feeling like a basket case. I feel old, tired and overwhelmed. I know the reasons; four kids and a busy husband. I'm trying to keep hold of my sanity, but there's no real down time for me. No breaks.

I go to the bathroom with the door open, sometimes with Maayu watching me from the floor in the hallway.

I take showers whenever I get a chance-11am if Maayu is napping, or if she's awake, in her car seat on the bathroom floor, most of the time with the door open so I can hear Nathan (who will often come in an ask me to look at something); at 10pm when the kids go to bed and I'm not too tired. Or I just don't take one. When I had 2 kids I would get up at 6am before everyone else to take my shower. Pssssh. That ain't happenin' anymore.

I eat dinner at 9pm sometimes. Alone. Sometimes because I don't want to eat chicken tenders again so I wait and cook something for myself after the kids go to bed. Sometimes because I just didn't get a chance to eat because I had to feed Maayu instead.

I don't get a chance to read anymore. It's killing me! I used to devour books. I once read a 300 page book in 2 days. (Yes, it was Twilight. Sorry, Alyssa!) Now I can't find the time or I can't keep my eyes open.

I don't go anywhere alone. And if I do, I feel weird, like I'm missing something. It must be how RMs feel without their companions!

I might sound like I'm complaining. I guess I am a little. But I know that this is my life for now. My babies are young and won't be forever. My husband is in grad school and won't be forever. Things will get better at some point. But for right now, I'm tired!!!!!!!