Finding Joy in Motherhood

Lately I've felt like a pretty terrible mother. Mostly because I've been so stressed and wound up. I haven't been sleeping well and this apartment is too small for all of us and all of our stuff. I feel like the walls are closing in around me. So I've been angry all the time and taking it out on my kids and husband.

This morning I woke up and said to myself, "Enough is enough." Time to get things in order. Time to find help and comfort in the words of the Lord.

The first thing I always do is search the Ensign. There are wonderful, uplifting talks and articles in there. Today I came upon one of my favorite talks by Elder M. Russell Ballard of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles titled, "Daughters of God". Though there are many wonderful words in this talk, I love the words written specifically to mothers.

Elder Ballard asks the question, "What can you do, as a young mother, to reduce the pressure and enjoy your family more?". This is the question I've been asking myself over and over again this month. And here are 4 answers that I really needed to hear (again!):

1. Recognize the joy of motherhood comes in moments. Isn't this true. How many times has Nathan driven me crazy just to turn around and say, "I love you, Mommy", and throw his arms around my neck? Yeah, that's what makes it all worthwhile.

2. Don't over schedule yourself or your children. I don't normally tend to over schedule. In fact, I like to keep my life simple. Alex and I have agreed that there are only 3 things we want all of our children to do: 1) Play a sport. Lately it's been soccer. But if they decide to do another sport when they get older, that will be great too! But they each have to chose at least 1 sport at a time. 2) Play an instrument. Preferably guitar, but piano is good too. Guitars are portable! 3) Learn a foreign language. We're not talking taking 2 years of Spanish in high school. We're talking really learn it. Joshua and Christopher are already learning Latin. Since we want them to be dentists (yes, we're indoctrinating them already!), this will give them a leg up. We would also support Chinese.

3. Find some time for yourself to cultivate your gifts and interests. I have a hard time figuring this one out. There are some days when I get 10 minutes to myself and wonder "Should I shower or read my book?" or "Should I finish washing dishes or pluck my eyebrows?".

I know I need time to myself. It's why I'm going crazy right now. I need to make time to read, sew and go out for walks. And to shower!

4. Pray, study and teach the Gospel. It sounds so simple. Yet sometimes I get off track. I forget to do my own Scripture study. Or I fall asleep without praying. I can tell the difference in the way I interact with and react to my children when I get off track. But when I have my own personal prayer and study, I can better teach my children the Gospel, preferably by example. And the Spirit is evident in our home.

I feel so loved after reading this talk. And appreciated. But most of all I feel like I have the tools I need to be a better mom to my kids. And they deserve that.