I Lost it.

I'm tired. Go figure. Four kids, one mom. If I thought that I didn't have a moment to myself before, I was a fool. I had a TON of time to myself when I had 3 kids. A TON.

Tonight while cooking dinner I was spelling names for Valentine cards, helping Joshua with his homework, trying to soothe Maayu and get her to stop wailing and trying to "LOOK, MOM!!" whenever Nathan wanted me to see how he had positioned his Iron Man.

I lost it after dinner (which I was barely able to eat because I was rocking Maayu in one arm while trying to fork pasta into my mouth). I'm sad that I lost it. I feel horrible and guilty. It's not that the kids were bad tonight, it's just that there are four of them and when they are all fighting for my attention at one time it can be a little exhausting. Okay, extremely exhausting. So I lost it. I yelled and lost my patience. Told them all to go to bed, that I couldn't take it anymore. They ran up the stairs and did what they were told while I cleaned the living room. This made me feel even worse about my behavior.

Now the three younger children are asleep and Joshua and I are hanging out downstairs together. I wish I had more patience. I wish I had more energy. Sigh. I'll do better tomorrow.